the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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