is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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