Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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