We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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