it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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