O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How does one acquire holy water?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
