he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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