You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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