Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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