I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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