Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
