Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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