Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
