He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
