remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
