my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
