Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
