That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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