I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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