We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
