The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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