Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
