My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
