I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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