So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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