see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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