I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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