cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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