I bet he comes in French.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
