Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
