sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
