I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
