wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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