I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
