I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
