I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
