its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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