Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
