I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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