I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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