this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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