I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
