Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
