Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
