If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
