Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
