i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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