I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
