Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
