i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
