He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
