i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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