Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
