no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
