And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
